redoing forever
by join.me.in.the.thunder
Summary: Just a bunch of drabbles and one-shots put together, in everying pairing possible. Read and review if you wish.
1. all that mattered

You take a deep shaky breath and survey the crowd. Thousands of people are here, cameras flashing, trying to steal possible glimpses of you. Suddenly, you don't think you can do this anymore.

"Hey babe," Cam caught you around the waist from behind, his mouth at your ear.

"Hey Cammie." You giggle back, the nerves loosening just a tiny bit. Microsopicly tiny.

"You okay ClaireBear? You look like you're about to swallow fire while standing on a tight rope on the Empire State building in the middle of a hurricane/tornado." Cam says in you're ear, laughing slightly while still remaining serious.

"You nailed how I feel," You say, tugging on the satin dress Massie let you borrow. The carpet seems miles away from the limo door, and you don't know why anyone even bothered to show up. The movie wasn't _that_ great.

"I try," Cam laughes, turning you around in your seat, and you can't help but notice how incredibly hot he looks tonight, "But Claire, look at those people," He turns you back around so your looking out the window, "One day, not far from now, you're going to rock this world, and I'll be standing right beside you. I promise I won't ever leave." His voice is low and sensitive in your ear.

"And that's all that matters," You said positivly, letting the butterflies in your stomach go as his hand wraps around yours.

"All that matters."

_Okay, so I TOLD myself I wouldn't do a story like this, one with millions of drabbles and one-shots. Obviously I have the best willpower on this planet._

_Derr... :)_

_So review, if ya'll want._

_xoxo, join. me. in. the. thunder_


	2. my smile is my tear

**my smile is my tear**

I know you love him - or at least you think you do -, and it kills me every milisecond of every second of every minute of every hour of every day.

I love to think back of those day when we first met, when I thought I had a chance. The way you twirled your chestnut brown hair around your finger as you talked to me, and you spilled your secrets to me, the ones you'd never admit to anyone else. The way you showed your true self, the one that was jealous of every girl in the world, the one that felt guilty for the names she slammed, the one that felt insecure, needy and unloved.

I was dying to prove you wrong on the last one.

.

It started freshmen year in high school. We'd been loose friends, smiling at each other, but nothing more. I'd always marveled over your beauty, far beyond other girl. Then, during lunch when you tripped and spilled your lunch down my shirt, you insisted it was my fault. I rolled my eyes, but as soon as we left the cafeteria, you wouldn't stop apologizing.

That's when I knew you were different. You weren't afraid to say things to other people, you weren't afriad of anything. I know you just felt guilty for my ruined Raplh Lauren shirt, but when you started talking to me, I loved everything about it. The way you're nose flexed when you laughed, the twinkle in your amber eyes as you cracked a sarcastic joke, the way you listended to everything I said.

I knew that somehow, I'd fall for you

.

"Joshua Christopher, why don't you have a girlfriend. You're too sexy to be single!" You'd giggle, slapping my arm as we sat tangled up on my leather couch, watching endless chick-flicks, my guilty pleasure.

"I'm waiting for the right girl," I'd reply everytime, wondering if you picked up on the hint. But you'd just throw your head back and laugh, so I guessed you never did.

It hurt to watch you and Cam Fisher hug in the hallways, even though you admitted to me you only liked him as a friend. I felt the empty pang in my heart when you had your first kiss with Landon Crane during gym class, even though you thought he was a terrible kisser. And I felt sick to my stomach when you told me that Kemp Hurley was your very first boyfriend.

"Are you okay Josh? You look angry." You'd notice, watching me with pure concern in your eyes.

"I'm fine." I'd reply, watching you shrug your shoulder and skip down the hallways, Kemp sliding his disgusting arm around your waist as I punched a wall.

.

"One year left Josh. Can you believe we only met two years ago? I feel like we've known each other forever." You'd say, leaning back into my chest to look up at the night sky. I'd breath in the scent of your hair, satin with vanilla.

"Nope. I can honestly say I can't. You're too amazing to be put into a two year mark Massie Rose." I'd say, grinning as you'd turn to slap me playfully before falling back into my arms, just like you did when Kemp hurt you. I'd listen to you sob endlessly, saying how much you hated that slut Claire Lyons for sleeping with him behind your back. I'd agree, but secretly, I was glad she did.

"Josh, you see the big dipper?" You point out the jumble of stars in the sky. I open my mouth to say yes, but then I see something else.

"Look Mass, a shooting star!" I whispered in your ear, pointing out the blazing light.

"Make a wish," You say, and I can almost feel you close your eyes and mouth something to yourself. So I do the same, but I'm not sure our wishes are the same, even though I want them to be, so bad.

'Cause I'm wishing for you to notice me.

.

Suddenly, three months before the start of our senior year, things start to change.

First you grew needy, right in the beginning of summer, begging me to sleepover (which I did, not that I minded), asking me to, please, run to the store and get you a Ben&Jerry's (which I did, always getting your favorite, 'cookies&milk'), and telling me to, just this once, get you a little bottle of the vokda you loved so much (which I did, more than once).

Then, when school started, you got bored. You'd say you didn't want to hang out after school, claiming that you needed to sleep, or your parents were fighting and you didn't want me to hear it. When we walked in the hallways together, you rushed from class to class, just barely paying attention to the words I was saying. Sometimes, you'd even run into class late, your mascara smugged, tiny little bags under your beautiful eyes.

"Massie, what's wrong?" I'd ask every time.

"Nothing's wrong Josh," You'd snap, "I'm perfectly fine."

Then, in the dead of winter, just when things were starting to change into spring, you got even worse. You'd insist that I take you to all the weekend parties (that you use to think were just beer pools), then ditch me in the first five minutes. Sometime's I'd see you in the middle of the dance floor, a red plastic cup to your mouth, or I'd see you with some guy - the same guy, every time - holding his hand as he lead you to a different room.

Yous stopped getting rides from me, and you always came to class late now, make up running, baggy clothes and a sweet, smokey smell stuck to your skin. I found you with that guy - the blond, with the puppy dog eyes that I knew you always fell for - more and more often, leaning on his shoulder or hanging off his arm. I'd see you two after school, sharing a bowl, taking deep hits, laughing and kissing in his car, and it stabbed through my heart everytime. I still hung around though, becuase you were the drug I needed. I'd lived on you for so long, I couldn't breath without you.

But I finally hit the bottom.

The last week of school, and it had been three weeks since you had talked to me. I was writhering away inside, but you must've not noticed, because you were to busy losing yourself.

That day had been particularly bad, and I had asked to go to the nurse. Maybe get a ride home, where I would flip over the scrapbooks you and I had made together over the years, the ones where your eyes aren't clouded over, and your smile is real and pure. The ones where your hair still had it's shine, and the ones where I had been heels over head for you. Those years.

Anyways, I was walking out, thinking of what illness I could feign, when I heard some sort of moan behind me. I spun around to see you, pushed up against the lockers, breathing heavily, your legs wrapped around _his_ body, while he stuck his tongue halfway down your throat. I couldn't look away.

Did you realixe how much I loved you? How much I needed you?

While you smiled with your eyes closed, ripping your shirt off over your head - something which you use to think was totally whore-ish - and continuing to make little moans as he moved lower, I felt my heart explode.

I'd always heard of people's hearts breaking, but I always thought of it as a myth, one of the things you think will never happen to you. But it did. My heart shattered, breaking apart and blowing away in the wind, somewhere far away so it could never be put back.

So I turned and ran, out the door, out onto the street, and all the way back into my house. And I found what I had been keeping around for quite a while.

So when you find this note - or if, I guess I should say - I hope you can fight back all those walls of pot and sex and beer and lies, and see what you've mean to me for all of my life. And I hope that you can care enough to at least shead one little tear for me. Just one. That's all I ask. 'Cause after you do, you can get back to fucking your life up.

But when you look back on the years when we were best friends, and almost, _almost_ lovers, please notice one thing.

My smile is my tear.

.

_So, what did'ya think? I know this was sad, but I've been dying to write a Mosh, and this was on my mind._

_to xoxoDDLSG, I'll write you a Massington next, I promise. I just had to get this one out first. But the Massington is definatley next. :)_

_Review._

_xoxo, join. me. in. the. thunder_


	3. you can't resist

**you can't resist**

"Come on Mass!" You hear Derrick shout from the stands, and your heart flutters. You grip Brownie's reigns tighter, until the judges finally say go, then your off. You race down the course, jumping over logs and weaving your way in and out of flags while Derrick cheers on from the sidelines. Finally, your time to shine.

You clear the first round with amazing scores, landing your team, the Golden Goddesses on first.

"Good job Mass," Is the first thing you hear out of Derricks mouth as he sneaks back to the barn.

"Thanks," You blush, holding your helmet in your hand, needing a major Glossip Girl swipe.

"You were amazing out there," He continues, staring into your eyes.

"Thanks again," You giggle, reaching out to give him a high five. He slaps his hand with yours, but holds on, intertwining his fingers with yours.

"You know how we promised to be friends, for Dylans sake?" Derrick whispers in your ear as he pulls you closer to him.

"Yeah," You say shakily, trying not to be pulled in, but he's stronger. So much stronger.

"Well I don't think I can be your friend anymore," He says, his words brushing over your hair, and you pull away a little. This isn't what you expected to hear.

"Oh. Okay then. I'll tell Dylan I guess. She'll have to understand that we just can't stand each other anymore, and that we-" You get cut off by his lips on yours, and you melt in his hands, clutching onto his for dear life.

"That's no what I meant," He says, coming up for air before going under again, pulling you with him. _This is not good_, you think, _Dylan will kill us!_

But as you pull back and look into Derricks puppy dog eyes, you smile and hold his hand.

Because you can't resist true love.

* * *

_Okay, so this was a weak Massington. And xoxoDDLSG, I majorly apologize. I'll write you a better one soon. I promise!_

_And I have the next one-shot coming out soon. And the next one one is dedicated to DemonicMoonBabe. :)_

_Review if you love air conditioning, swimming pools and the beach!_

_xoxo, join. me. in. the. thunder_


	4. that would be nice

**that would be nice.**

pretending.

it's the one thing i'm good at.

like pretending that he loves me.

josh.

that's his name.

joshua anthony hotz.

swoon.

at least at first.

but i can deal with this, because like i said, i'm good at pretending.

pretending that he listens to me when i say my little things to him.

pretending that every touch, every kiss, every fuck isn't just for show-and-tell.

pretending that i'm not about to do this.

because, you see, i've cryedsobbedshed tears for this boy.

and he doesn't love me.

so i'm leaving.

not like how you think though.

no, i've decided another way out.

i'm losing myself in my pretending.

maybe i'll go to a nice white place where the people tell you you'll be okay, and they keep the doors locked all the time.

or maybe i'll just be lost in myself, holding his hand as he lovingly carresses me.

i'd be okay with either.

because really, either way, there will be no more massie block.

and that -

that would be nice.

* * *

_okay, so totally random drabble/oneshot. you can hate it. i don't mind. sigh_

_so this goes out to DemonicMoonBabe, but i promise you, whoever you are, i'll write you a better one soon. i PROMISE!_

_anyways, review with your thoughts on my werid and terrible drabble/oneshot._

_those are much appreciated:)_

_xoxo, join. me. in. the. thunder_


	5. i won't forget

**i won't forget.**

I've always loved summer.

The beach, the waves, and the fact that there's no school, homework, or stuipd people I need to follow.

Don't get me wrong, I love those girls to death, but seriously? Is it necessary that we _all_ follow Miss Alpha's rules?

I mean, really.

But in the summer, I can forget about them. I can forget about it all, because I can drown myself in something I really love.

Soccer.

And well, Dune Baxter.

Sigh.

I just love the way he make you feel like you're always in the spotlight. Not that I want it, but it's nice to feel like the only girl in the room when everyone else doesn't know you exist. And Dune does that for me.

He's the reason I'm sitting in the white sand right now, watching the blue waves roll and tumble him through the water. Yet he stays on his feet.

Showoff.

As he rises in the air, he finds me on the beach and waves. And blows a kiss. Then he get's crushed by the water. I can't help but giggle, putting down my notebook and watch him flick the water out of his hair. He's really that adorable.

Is this what love feels like? Watching the sunset with his arms wrapped around me, the butterflies in my stomach doing round-off back handsprings. I don't really know, but I'll call it young love for now, because kissing him is amazing, and those butterflies go crazy. Sure, I don't know if I truely love him, but one thing is for sure.

This is one summer I won't forget.

_ahh, young love. you gotta love it ;)_

_so I REALLY wanted to get a Dunstin out, and I thought this would be pretty good. then again I thought that, so who knows?_

_you do! ;)_

_plus, my last few oneshots/drabbles were sad, so this is semi-happy. yay!_

_so please, give me your thoughts on this by reviewing. i love them, and they make me update faster! :)_

_xoxo, join. me. in. the. thunder_

_p. s, thank you WhereItAllBegins (aka, the old xoxoDDLSG). YOU, my friends, are a freaking... uh... UNIVERSEload of talent. ;D_


	6. boom boom for sure

**boom boom for sure.**

Boom-boom, snap, crackle, BAM!

I've always loved fireworks. The enchanting colors, the obnoxious noise, and the few seconds you get to see them at their best before they get wisked away by the wind... Sigh.

But besides the firework show, I love the hot dogs and hamburgers, the homemade rice krispie treats and sprinkled cupcakes. It's all something to celebrate.

'Dylan, stop stuffing your face and get over here!' Massie calls to me, laughing. I roll my eyes and put down my potato salad, and jump in the pool with her.

'What do you want?' I shout, but before I can even scream, I'm dunked under the water, faintly hearing everyones laugh from above. I pop back up and whirl around to face Derrick.

Sah-woon.

'Hey lovely.' He grins smugly at me.

'Hey babe.' I lean in as if to give him a kiss, but before he can plant his lips on mine, I've offically dunked him underwater.

'Nice Dyl," Kristen laughs from the chairs, her hand firmly in place with Dempsey's.

'You little-" Derrick says when he resurfaces, but I'm already halfway to the other end, Massie cheering me on from Landon's arms.

'Guys, shut up! The fireworks are starting!' Claire yells at us, leaning against Cam as the face the sky.

'Boo,' Derrick says from behind me as the first firework goes off.

'Stop it!' I say, taking his arms and putting them around me. We watch the show in silence, but just before the finale, Derrick leans towards me.

'Happy 4th of July,' He says, and plants a kiss on me just as the big firework goes up.

Boom boom for sure.

_mehh. i thought that was only okay. but anyways, HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY! WOOHOO!_

_:)_

_reviews?_

_xoxo, join. me. in. the. thunder_


	7. and yet so right

**and yet so right.**

i'm use to sitting my butt on these cold metal bleachers and cheering for a sport i don't totally understand. so use to it. but this time, it's just not the same.

not because we're kicking ass - that's really normal, actually - or because i'm sitting away from my normal group of friends, although that does have something to do with it. but it's for a reason not soccer-related.

because, you see, i've kinda fallen for my ex-best friends, current best friends boyfriend.

i'm so going to burn in hell for this.

well, i didn't mean for it to happen. not at all. i was perfectly fine being in love with my boyfriend, even though we fought and made up all the time. i never even noticed him before! but the more i was around him - at the parties, at the soccer games, at school - i started to, well, notice him. it was just the little things though, like the way he made me laugh harder than even massie or cam could, or the way i just kind of bubbled over with happiness when he was around, goofing off and such.

but i mean, he was massie's ex-, dylan's current, and totally off-limits.

is that why i want him so badly?

5, 4, 3, 2, 1, buzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

finally.

all the fans - minus my current ex- best friends - all rush down onto the field, and i glance at my new friends before running down the cold metal to join them.

'hey babe!' cam shouts at me.

'hey,' i say, glancing around the field with guilt. why? he and i haven't even done anything!

'did you see the way i stopped the one kid from going to goal? i mean, i just-' cam keeps talking, but i'm not listening anymore. my phone seems more important at the moment.

**unknown number: meet me under the bleachers.**

'honey? are you listening?' cam asks me, even though i'm looking at the bleachers with curiosity.

'yeah, but massie just sent me a text that i need to go meet her in the girls bathroom. do you mind?' i lie.

'not at all. see you soon,' cam kisses my cheek, and i just turn away and practically run to the bleachers before the guilt can get any bigger.

'hello?' i call, stepping around metal poles and rocks.

'shh!' a voice says from ahead, and i know exactly who it belongs to.

'oh. hey.' i say, stepping up to him. now were only inches away.

'hey claire.' he says, looking down at me.

'derrick.' i say, looking into his caramel eyes. i know that massie has called them puppy-like, but i think they're more like precious stones, ones that you see and never want to forget.

'i think we need to talk.' he looks away from me for a second before starring back down.

'yeah,' i whisper, stepping a tad closer. he's just that irresistible. before i can even get a word out, or even understand what's happening, his lips come crashing down onto mine, and i don't want to pull away. this is like nothing i've ever felt before.

it's so wrong.

and yet so right.

_awhhh! so what did you think of that clairington? i'm not personally too into that pairing, but they can be good, sometimes. oh, and this one goes out to blahblah4._

_and did i mention all my GREAT reviewers last time? because they are TOTALLY AWESOMTASTICAL! :)_

_oh, and by the way, this is off the current clique book, 'these boots are made for stalking'. did you read it? you didn't?_

_good. don't. it's really stuipd. fanfiction is wayy better. :D_

_review please!_

_xoxo, join. me. in. the. thunder_


	8. too damn proud

**too damn proud.**

he was always just too damn proud.

captian of the soccer team, ruling the school with his 'boys', getting every girl he wanted.

including _her_.

she was the best prize. he could flaunt her around, make her giggle and blush and be embarrassed to be around him. that's what made him so...

arrogant.

egotistical.

bigheaded.

whatever you wanted to call it, it was him. and he loved her, he really did. but he heard that _she_ was going to break up with _him._

that could just _not_ happen. no sir.

she couldn't be the one to ruin his streak, mess up his chart and fuck up his reputation. never, not as long as he had some control over this.

so bye-bye, his love, his prize, his life. even though he loved you - and he still does, without a doubt, undoubtly - he's got his head too far up his ass to see that those were just rumors.

none of it was true. but it doesn't matter anymore.

becauses, you see, he's already moved on, marking her on his chart and adding her replacement. the second best, the easier choice.

because, well, he's just too damn proud.

~a~

_okay, so what did you think? this was more of a drabble, i thought, but it was also kinda a oneshot. and to WhereItAllBegins - i'm sorry that you HATE these terrrible grammer stories! serisously! i'll try to use more capitalization and such, but for some of these, i think that the no-caps is nice. like it adds to the flare, you know? :)_

_reviews?_

_oh, and that little ~a~ thingy, it's not for the story. it's just to separate my A/N from the story, yah' know?_

_;D_

_xoxo, join. me. in. the. thunder_


	9. one last breath

**one breath left.**

He didn't have to **guts** to tell her this was the_ finalesolutionend_.

"Alicia, I love you." He said, looking into her big brown eyes. They were _coveredshadedcoated_ in **tears**.

"I love you too Landon." She whispered back to him, closing her eyes and kissing him _lovinglyroughlypassionatly_. Landon kissed back as the _firstbeginningstarting_ tear slid down his cheek, but **evaporated** because of the _fireinfernoflames_.

"Landon, it hurt. So bad," Alicia cried to him, and Landon _lookedglancedstared_ at her leg. Or what was left of it. About up to her mid thigh was covered by the **cockpit**. And up to her waist was drenched in **blood**.

"I know Alicia. I know," He said, closing his grey eyes and hugging her to his chest tightly. Other than a few _minorlittleunimportant_ cuts, he was _unscratcheduntouchedunharmed, _and he wanted to _screamyellshout_ at God for that. Why couldn't it be** him **under the airplane?

"Landon. I- I love you," Alicia _breathedsobbedcrooned_ before her eyelids slid shut. Landon _sobbedmoanedcried_ hard, hugging her very close to him, checking her pulse. Just a few more beats. Then... **nothing**.

"I love you too Alicia Marie Rivera. So much." Landon whispered in her ear, trying not the cough. The **smoke** was growing _thickerheavierdenser_ by the second. All around Landon people were crying, some **jumping** off in hopes of saving their lives. Most were just _askingprayingbegging_ through their tears, and saying that they **loved** someone. Landon looked at the dead girl in his arms. She was so _beautifulwonderfulperfect_. She didn't **deserve** to **die**.

Just then, Landon felt something shake under him. Then, the** building **_colapseddecendedfell_. Alicia's body became free from the plane, and Landon hugged her _closetightlylongingly_.

"I love you Alicia," He repeated to her, feeling the salt water **sting** his whole face. Then, after _fallingfallingfalling_ a long minute, Landon **finally** hit the _bottomendfinsih,_ with only one breaht left.

~a~

_okay, i cried writing this. i'm sorry for my depressing oneshot about 9/11!_

_i got this idea from _**'Remember Me'**_, which i watched last night. i cried at the end of that too._

_i got the slanted parts where i put three adjectives (my English teachers would be so proud of my word vocabulary) in was from _**drowning in technicolor dreams. **_you guys should read her stuff. it's serious shit. :D_

_reviews?_

_xoxo, join. me. in. the. thunder_


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